Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Working Hard

Got the toe for the socks finished last night, going to start on the pattern today; should be good, it's 17 stitches wide, and the rest is all stockinette. The needles are far, far too pointy though. I may have to quickly finish of the sock for The Other Half and then use the tube for those needles. I wish I hadn't forgotten my other tube at his place.

The sweater is booking along quite nicely. I probably just need another couple hours in the morning and I can get the front done. Sleeves should be cake after that. It's just a matter of making time, as with anything.

Still haven't cast on for the shawl. I'm going to leave it for last. The charts seem a little intimidating, but the more I look at them, the easier they get. I just have to get started. The sweater and socks are priority, though. The shawl's for me, so I don't have a problem if it doesn't get done.


That was the end result after doing Judy's Magic Cast On on double pointed needles, instead of the circulars it was invented for. That may be the last of those you see, as they're holiday knitting, and I don't know if my Step-Mum reads this (though you're invited to shout out in the comments if you do, and want to guess at what the finished object will look like, as can anyone else guess about the finished object).


This was my progress on the front on Sunday morning.

That was Sunday night. More than doubled. I'm sorry the flash makes a bloody mess of the texture in the stitches, but please trust that it is there, and I'm not doing a field of garter or stockinette. There's rather attractive ridges up the whole thing.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Intense

That's the only way I can describe this feeling... it's intense. Finished back, cast on for front, halfway done, and it's only the second day. Planning on waking up early tomorrow to take care of errands, because I'm back on my 4pm to 1am shift, and then knit some more. I feel like I'm accomplishing something. I feel like I'm knitting something worthwhile. This sweater truly is a so-called "boyfriend sweater" because I'm putting my heart and soul into this. Putting all my love into each and every stitch.

The problem is that my love seems to be bundled with a whole metric sh*tton of crazy. I made a big deal of this sweater and got intimidated and ran out of yarn and put it aside for a while... and... well the rest of this story is going to be squished like a bug, because it's a lot of self-loathing and I can't tell if I'm being whiny or justified. It's also a bit personal so I'm going to leave it alone.

I wish I could be doing more exciting things right now, but I'm not generally an exciting person. I started this to gush on knitting and too often knitting it wrapped up in emotions and emotional bullcrap. I have the sweater and the socks are started now, too. The pictures are on the desktop, so I'll get them posted later today (as it's so late, it's now early Monday morning).

I'm going to sleep now, and rest my hands and wrists from all the knitting I've done. Here's hoping for a productive day tomorrow.


Day 23: If you had the supplies (and patience) for it, what project would you start today?


A Velma outfit. Sweater and skirt and socks, hand knit. Everything else I want to start I already have the stuff for it.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Day Two of the Games

Can't blog. Knitting.


Seriously. Back done. Front started, almost past the slit allowance. Debating, at 2:30 am, the sanity of casting on the socks, and the shawl.... the shawl being lace.

Trying not to think about new projects, especially not spindles. I may be going off the deep end.

Also trying to reach out to my mother, and trying to understand The Other Half better. Why after five years can I not stop being stupid and pick fights, and then refuse to listen and empathize, when I can do so so well with perfect strangers? I may need a head doctor.


Day 22: Have you ever stricken someone off your to-knit-for list because they didn’t appreciate/take care of your last knitted gift to them?


No. Every knitted gift I've given has gone to someone who will appreciate it: The Other Half (the Brody incident doesn't count, that dog chews on everything, and will get things off the kitchen counter to chew on them, that was a total accident and not a lack of appreciation or care; it was an Act of Dog) and Step-Mum love knitted things.


Here's hoping Dad will appreciate his scarf. It's easy care, though, so there shouldn't be any issues. Never really have to worry about Dad not taking care of anything I might knit him, because he's wool-sensitive, almost to the point of being full blown allergic, so it's plant fibres and acrylic for him, and those are all supposed to take abuse.


Hmm...


Dear Powers That Be:


Thank you for giving me people in my life that either knit, or appreciate knitting, or are easy to knit for. My obsession is thriving because of this.


Keep up the stellar work. Oh, and if you're feeling generous, please make it so my next skein doesn't tangle so badly when I'm winding it into a ball. Thanks.


Love,
Margaux

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Oh Emm Gee!

I can feel the excitement in the air. The excitement that only happens once every four years. The excitement that only a few proud souls can ever know.

The Ravellenic Games start tomorrow.

There's that big sporting event thing, too, isn't there?

I'm kidding. 4PM EDT is the official cast on. Only for me, I'm not casting on, I'm continuing on with the sweater. One more repeat on the back, and then I pull out the needles and get 113 stitches going again for the front.

I'm very thankful I invested in my interchangeable set.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Short and Sweet(ish)

I don't know what happened today, but something has hit all my "angry" buttons. I'm ready to lash out at everything and everyone that's not important to me. I can feel it. I have about no patience left. I wish I knew exactly what it was that did it, but I don't. Part of me thinks it's just dealing with daily work frustrations and I've been pushed over the edge. Part of me thinks it's because I've been pushed in general, or rushed, or made to do something I don't want to do (which is weird because I haven't done anything except training today). All I know for sure is that I'm about two wrong words away from gnawing off my arm and bludgeoning someone with the wet end.

Last time I felt this way, I was on antidepressants of some form. I'm not now, so I can't say that's where this is coming from....

I have chocolate. I just need to decide if I should blow up tanks, blow up zombies, or try to knit something. Knitting feels like a bad idea because I'd probably just strangle the needles and throw my tension/gauge way way off.


Friday... I can start finishing the sweater on Friday.


Day 21: Do you knit gifts for friends and family for the holidays or birthdays?


The Other Half has been the main recipient for one occasion or another (including that time honoured holiday of "Here, I Finished It. It's For You. Because I Love You."). This year Dad and Step-Mum are going to be included. The Best Friend gets yarn, because she'd appreciate it just as much, if not more than the actual finished object; that and I find some of the most scrumptious yarns ever, because I go noodling around until I find something worthy of not just covetousness, but outright naked lust. She understands, so she appreciates those finds more.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Round Two

Still kind of losing the fight against the apathy bat. Better now that I've slept, but I'm still behind since that revelations post I made a while ago. Problem is: all my efforts are internal so I don't have much of anything to really show for it. What's the quote from one of the Pink Panther movies? "Every day, in every way, I'm getting better and better." And I am, but my gods it's a long hard battle, and I wasn't even at rock bottom. I've just about been there, I've been so close I could see the splash of the rocks I knocked off my ledge. But now I'm partway up, and I found this nice resting spot, and damned if I haven't found the camp I made the last time I was here. So I delude myself into thinking that this is a good place, and I can stay here, even though it's damp and the wind gets in, and there's no protection from the elements.... Urgh. I can't go down this road.

Instead I'm going to turn my focus to some cool things I found out today. Thing one: bananas are radioactive. Slightly. They produce so much potassium that they naturally make a small, insignificant amount of potassium-40, an isotope of potassium that is radioactive. Pretty cool. Thing two: the ripe spots on bananas, when exposed to UV light, fluoresce bright blue. Got to see a picture and everything. It's pretty neat. Then I found out thing three: brazil nuts are four times as radioactive as bananas. But it's all still safe, because you can find all this stuff in a grocery store. People over exaggerate on things like radioactivity without truly understanding it. I find that many people hear about something being radioactive and their minds go to "it must be as dangerous as [insert radioactive disaster here]". It's not. Those were disasters. Hence the name. It was something completely unexpected and/or tragic, and most likely happened due to ignorance. We've learned. We're smarter now. Well... most of us are... Some people I despair of, but that's natural when working in technical support.

Anyways, cool thing number four: there's a fruit out there, that grows naturally in the US, and in a little tiny spit of Canada (the very tip of southern Ontario, actually) that's known as the American Pawpaw. It's a soft fruit, has big black seeds, and is apparently similar to a banana or a canteloupe. (Is it obvious to everyone yet that I was browsing Wiki's list of culinary fruits?) I really really want to try one now. It's indigenous fruit that seems more exotic than any exotic fruit I've been reading about today. Apparently it's so soft it cannot be commercially distributed because of how easy it can bruise, but you might be able to find one in a Farmer's Market. Is there anyone out there, who reads this, who may have tried one? What was it like? Inquiring minds wish to know!

If I can't find my answers here, I'm going to scour everyplace I can think of until I find one. It's just too intriguing not to know about.


Day 20: Do you knit in public? Was anyone offended/incredibly happy/curious that you were doing so?
Yes, whenever I can. I get more comments and questions directed at, or asked of me directly, when I'm in the US. Where I am in Canada, everyone's too damned polite, so they'll talk about it, in a loud voice. Possibly so I can overhear it and decide to jump in (which I do, because I'd rather be asked directly than to be talked about... I mean really, people. I'm right there. I can hear every word you're saying. Just because I'm carrying pointy sticks does not mean I'm scary. I don't even look scary. I look like a plump librarian most of the time... skull and crossbones knitting bag notwithstanding. I won't bite, you can talk to me, and I'm as Canadian as you are, so I'm super polite about it all).

Monday, July 23, 2012

Losing the Fight

I got hit with the apathy bat today. I just don't care. Don't care about anything, everything bores me, and I have little to no patience. I also don't have a single clue where any of this is coming from. Might have started this morning when my alarm clocks failed to go off loud enough to wake me up. I'm not entirely sure. Part of me wishes I could impress upon you how much effort of will it's taking me to write this. A much larger part of me knows that if I did I'd just be perpetuating a horrific pity party.


I'm going to take myself off to bed to try to sleep this off. It's horrible and not me at all, in any way shape or form. I want it gone, and sleep may be the cure.


Day 19: Do you watch movies and/or listen to podcasts while knitting? What are your favorite things to knit to?

Movies sometimes, mostly music, or The Other Half (I listen to him play games while I'm playing with string). My favourite things are anything that doesn't take my visual attention, but that will keep my higher brain functions occupied until I get into that knitting zen state.

Again with the Disappearing Act

I don't know what it is with me and just getting lost on my way to this blog. First it was webcomics, and then little browser games, and then World of Tanks, and YouTube and, and, and... It's terrible, ignoring this thing. I'm supposed to be able to come here and pour little brain droppings out into the wild blue yonder for random samples of the general internet public to read, and possibly comment on. But I don't. Well not entirely true. I do write stuff, I just don't do it consistently enough to really be able to call myself a blogger, I suppose. I'm trying. I need this space so that I don't drive everyone else I know and care about absolutely bat sh*t crazy with all my yarn rambling. So, without further delay: this weekend's events.

Woke up on Saturday before noon. I should get a gods be damned medal for that. When it comes to weekends, I don't sleep, I hibernate. The Other Half really doesn't like it. Thinks it's wasting time we could be spending together or doing stuff together. The thing is... I need it. With all the time I spend staying up late during the week, I need the weekend to catch up. I can't live, I can't even survive, on six hours of sleep. I have to try for eight or, if possible, more, to make sure I can be coherent, and not wake up fifteen minutes before I have to leave. I'd feel bad about it, but I don't care. I know what my body needs, and so I get it. If that means not waking up until after lunch, then that's the way it's going to be. Besides, me sleeping in means TOH gets all kinds of "Man Time" where he can do guy stuff uninterrupted. I'm sure he's sick of me busting in on him in the bathroom when he's shaving so I can watch him... and make repeated offers to help. That probably makes me odd. Not like that matters to me either, I'm just making an observation. I do like shaving his face though. It's very different from doing my legs. More contours, the hair is a different texture, and he has bits he leaves. The technical term for his leftovers is a Van Dyke, but I'm sure someone will try to call it a goatee... it's not though, when you have a goatee, and a moustache together, and they meet on either side of the lips, it's a whole different species of face-squirrel. I'm going to get scolded for that. It's better now than it was. When I first met TOH, he just had a moustache. I made some very unflattering remarks about it, too. I was horrible. Called it a caterpillar.... Was tickled mercilessly for that. Then he listened to me, and grew out the Van Dyke and now looks very handsome in deed (no you can't have him, he's mine). Anyways, I do like watching him shave, and really enjoy helping. At some point I'm probably going to save up and spring for a really nice single blade set, with proper brush and little cup. I've done a lot of reading about single blade shaving over the past couple of days. Very fascinating stuff, especially the whole: you'll have a better quality shave and less irritation, ingrown hairs and all that jazz, because a single blade can be made sharper, and you're only going over it once, instead of three/four/five times with your uber-plastic-cartridge-blah. So yes, me sleeping in means he can do his morning routine without me being annoying/cute at him before he's awake, and he can have some interruption free gaming, too, before I start in with all that "hey let's spend time together".... though, apparently he gets too much of that, because I am sleeping in too late for his preferences, which then brings us back to the beginning of the paragraph... without getting me to the rest of my Saturday....

Starting over: Woke up on Saturday, earlier than I usually do, because I had some errands to run. I checked the bus schedules and figured out that I had to leave around 2pm-ish, to be able to get things done that I needed to get done in time to meet up with Princess... something I may have neglected to mention to TOH... I'll have to check my notes. At any rate, the big errand was going down to Big-Box-Store, and getting another ball of yarn for the Demon Sweater, because the Games are starting sooooooooon. And I made a Promise(tm). Yep, capital letter and all. Now, I should have more than enough. So I'm hoping that I can rock this all out, because I have the sweater, and the shawl, and a pair of socks.... I may have pulled down too much. However, I did take the afghans off the list because it's really REALLY too damn hot to have a full blanket sitting on my lap, when I don't have A/C. Moving on: I picked up the yarn, and I got a row counter, as well, because I might need one, and I'm brain dead in summer. I also got some neat freezy pop things, two packs for a buck each. They're pretty good. I should go and get more if I can bring myself to take the hour long bus ride down to Big-Box-Store again. After I got the yarn stuffs, I headed back downtown for some much needed girlie time with Princess, because she, too, needed an impartial ear to just yak at. I felt better afterwards, and I hope she did, too (sound off in the comments Princess). She's had drama inflicted upon her; I've inflicted drama upon myself. We both needed to just get our brains in order. My favourite part: anything that I know is totally confidential, I tend to automatically forget the details of. Been that way since I was small. I've never really been able to remember a secret. I've been told them, and told they were secrets, and told to NEVER ever ever tell anyone else ever (with all those little childish rituals we go through)... and then I've promptly forgotten what the secret actually was so I wouldn't ever tell it. Nice little defense strategy there.

I feel I should point out here, for my own benefit as for that of TOH, that this is nothing against TOH. Hon, I know that if I have a beef with you, or if there's something going on that involves you that I should just come and talk to you, but, and this is why this is out here, I'm sure every woman who reads this will agree: sometimes, we just need to talk. We need to talk to another woman. Someone who won't immediately try to find a solution because we sound like there's a problem or there's something wrong. I talk so I can hear myself thing, not through your perspective though, because I know how you do say back exactly what I've said so that I can hear it. I know what I've said, I know what I sound like: I've said bullsh*t and I sound pants-on-head retarded; or at least very clueless and not at all intelligent. That's because I have to get through the mental slog to be able to come out with that intelligent, mature verbal discourse that you tell me you fell in love with. While I am smart, and I can be very mature for my age, I'm still a woman, and still think like a woman, and still process information like a woman. Which means needing, in many cases, to talk. A lot. Without being told "I'll do this and that will fix it" or "I'll never do this thing you're saying upsets you ever again".... I'm not talking to get an answer, or to have something fixed. I'm talking for the sake of getting it out of my head, when it's too jumbled up for me to write it down.

I'm also writing this here because I know we've talked about this a lot, and I'm trying to make sure I have it down clearly and as concisely as possible for my own future reference.

So yeah, I snuck off and hung out with Princess on Saturday so we could knit and chat and shoot the breeze and all sorts of fun stuff.... and when I went shopping last weekend and got those oh-so-pretty underthings, Knitting Broad N went with me, because she had no idea about what it meant to have a proper-fitting bra, and the saleslady was nice enough to put up with my rabid underwear-acquisition-fest and measure N. Admittedly part of that was selfish because I was tired of hearing N complaining every other day about how what she was wearing didn't fit, but I also needed some moral support in icky-horrible-Mall-land (they're such psychological death traps, I didn't want to go alone).

Weird that I am reporting on this stuff here as though I'm actually talking to him, when I already have. I should probably figure out an official "audience" for this blog so that I can have some consistency in my tone and delivery.


Oh! and I started on the toe of the blue socks that have been showing up here. Well the toe of the sock that's been on the needles for all those pictures... The other sock is going to have to wait.


Day 18: Do you knit English or Continental?
Continental if that's the one where you pick. I don't throw (pretty sure that's English....) I'm messy when I throw, and I learned to crochet first, so it felt more natural when I was learning how to knit. Purling was odd. The Best Friend had a good couple chuckles at me when my first attempts at "purling" were actually me knitting through the back loop. I fixed it though. I'm all better and can do both now.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

So I says to Mabel, I says...

Diving in here quickly on a lunch break. How I love the power of technology, especially that which is portable. No doubt I will edit this later to add in some more, but I figured I would get in a twee tiny bit now to drain my brainpan of some thought processes.

Picked up a knitting magazine today. I don't remember the title, but I'll put it in after. There's some cute patterns in there, so I'm glad I grabbed it. One was of an adorable lacy sock pattern; toe-up, complete with instructions for a Turkish cast on. Id been wondering how to do a different toe from the short-row variety, with provisional cast on I've been using. I'll give this guy a shot and see how it turns out. The cast on I mean, not necessarily the pattern itself yet. I have a lot of stuff to get through; and more yarn coming in. It's dizzying. I'm truly building an actual honest to goodness stash. I'm actually kind of proud of this. And even more thankful that mom can't see it (though from what I'm hearing she has her own yarn balls in her closet; apple, tree, falling, not far from, bla bla bla).

I was hoping to revisit some of the past segments I've done on this blog, but have dramatically failed to do so, for one reason and one reason only: lack of organization. It's the one thing I can always improve upon, I feel, and I'm really lagging behind in this instance. I don't want to get a planner again, but I'm starting to think I truly should, if I'm going to be this scatterbrained, and so fund-deprived I cannot get myself an electronic device to assist in that. Though, to be honest, I don't think I would want an electronic device to help me get organized anyways. Something about paper and pen, and mushing them together just right feels so good, so productive.

Been feeling a little weird again lately. I think that's because I've not been eating like I was before. As in: I'm not eating lunch, but having little healthy snack things throughout the day after breakfast. And more water. Wait... don't think about it... If you start thinking about it you'll break the spell. Just don't think too much. Don't think, just do. Here's hoping that worked and I didn't break the spell.

Anywho, back in a bit, I'll update more on this post later.

**--Edit below--**

My laceweight from Indigo Dragonfly showed up today. Their MCN lace in "Only, the exact phrase I used was 'Don't'.". They are fast on shipping. More importantly: they have sent me pure, unadulterated, yarn p*rn. This yarn is too sexy to be anything but. It's every shade of red lipstick ever. Soft enough to make a baby think it needs to exfoliate. More come-hither than a cougar with a pizza-boy. I'd touch it inappropriately, but it's also powerful enough to kick my ass. This is yarn for Broads: gorgeous, delectable, and strong and purposeful. A yarn that will love you forever, as long as there's respect. I will definitely treat this girl right.

I'm sure there was something else I wanted to talk about, but I have to go build a shrine to this yarn now.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Latest Report

Here's a quick tribute: Happy Birthday to The Best Friend; to the woman who taught me to knit, who suffered through me teaching her to crochet, who let me cook with her, live with her, share with her and grow with her. Happy Birthday to a friend closer than any sister, and who has been my friend through thick and thin.

She's the bestest, and levelled up today.

Nothing else new is going on, really. Mentally planning that guide I mentioned earlier. Hoping I can make it a reality. Looking forward to making it a reality. Just need to work out a great starting point, and then make samples that will be easy to photograph. Draft first. Details later.


Day 17: Have you ever had a project that you loved become ruined? What’s the story behind it?


... Nothing ruined. There was damage.... Let me get my camera.




You see that? Yeah... so not cool. I can finger the culprit too....




That's Brody. He did it. You can see more evidence of his destructive power littered on the carpet around him. He'd just finished killing his purple bear. Gut it like a pig. Or stuffed bear in this case. And yet...


At the same time... How can you stay mad at that face?


He's such a brat. And only 8 months in that picture. You can see he has a huge head, and big shoulders and hips, but the rest of him is teeeeeny, except his feet. He's gonna be a big boy.


...


Just like his da.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

It's deja vu all over again

Yeah, recurring theme this summer: complaining about the bloody heat. Wicked horrible bad today. It's affecting everything. Including my memory. I thought the opening ceremonies were today and was so excited to start with the Ravellenic Games, but they're not. 10 more days. I apparently have a date problem. Maybe that Al Zeimer guy showed up or something. I don't know.

Had another conversation with The Other Half last night where the topic of commitment came up. Not so much commitment to the relationship, but commitment to the little things that make a relationship special. I had stirred up some drama, completely unnecessarily (there's something about me and negative attention, even though I know better, and I know how to get the attention I really want, I pull some horrible teenage temper tantrum and stir up some sh*t). TOH pointed out that I hadn't done any creative writing in a while (something else of mine he enjoys) and that I had yet to finish the Demon Sweater (he didn't call it that, that's my pet name for it). It struck me, in that moment, and again today, that sweaters really do have some special meaning and power to them. After four years, it's enough to mention and bring up in a discussion like that because, and he's totally right on this point, I took the time and worked with him to find a pattern he liked, and find yarn he was okay with (both colour and texture). I made sure he knew that this was a big deal, and I haven't finished it. Mentally, I had a hiccough when I thought about the four pairs of socks, the cabled scarf, the crocheted smokers mitts, and the lapghan*. All of those projects were also carefully consulted on for colour, pattern** and yarn preferences. However, the sweater still holds a special power. I don't know what it is, precisely. I am also not well versed enough in the mystic ways of the knitted gift to be able to make a guess; I wouldn't dare even to presume, with my lack of experience and improper gauge swatching. All that said, I can personally confirm that a sweater is a damn special thing, and it should never, ever, be ignored.

To that end: I, Margaux***, do solemnly swear that, no matter what, fire, flood or wrath of gods, I will pick up the needles and finish this sweater by the end of the Ravellenic Games, July 27 through August 12, in the year 2012.

Gonna need to get more yarn this week. I'm not running out again, babe, and you'll get this sweater before the cold weather can even think about showing up.


Day 16: Have you ever had a knitting related injury?
Not knitting (thankfully, not yet anyways), did get a really cracky wrist when I was just crocheting.

*For those who might not know: an afghan, crocheted in this case, that's big enough for a lap blanket only, i.e. it only covers lap and legs.
**Lapghan being the exception as it was the 5-1/2 hour pattern that I wanted to try out; TOH inputted on the colours and yarn, though, for sure.
***Adrienne in real life, in case you didn't think I was serious.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Letter to a Stranger

Dear Girl Going Clubbing on Oullette:

I'm really sorry I boob smashed you in the construction tunnel. It was a total accident, and completely the fault of the douchecanoe standing still in the oncoming traffic lane thinking, quite wrongly, that he could squish his dumb ass against the side hard enough to allow other people to walk through. I still had my bags on as I'd just left work and they through me off balance.

I hope our brief moment of chest contact has not embarrassed you or caused any lewd comments from the gentleman you appeared to be with (of course any lewd comments would downgrade him instantly from "gentleman" to "waste of carbon atoms" and/or "scum of all eternity").

Please try to see the positive in this: between your chest and mine, we got a really good rebound (bet you could bounce quarters off you).

Yours,
Margaux



Did a bunch of work on the sock today, to the point where it hit the black hole. This is promising, it means I'm almost near the toe. I don't believe Princess when she said I could get two socks out of the remaining yarn, but I'll push until I run out. I think I mentioned before that The Other Half does so adore non-matching socks, especially those with interesting or different coloured toes and heels.

Note to self: get some kind of wooly wash for his foot coverings.... and pay that yarn invoice.

I think I mentioned the Noro scarf (it's so late it's early, so my memory lapses are allowed). I didn't touch it today. I'm not sure I'm happy with it. It's not something I will want to wear, being so very sensitive to wool, but I don't know if the colour combination would suit somebody I know. Maybe I should post pictures of it, and offer to swap for yarn or another knitted good. It's fun to work on, and stupid simple (i.e. great for work), so I will definitely want to make another one.

Right! Duh! Next time ask the artistic boyfriend for colour questions. Doy! TOH has got colour sense that would make most fashionistas rethink themselves.

I blame yarn fumes for the lapse in intelligence. You can't prove me wrong. It's my story and I'm sticking to it.


Day 15: What was your least favorite pattern and why?*


I don't have one. I've liked all the patterns I've tried so far for one reason or another. Of course I've only really recently started working from patterns, so my opinion on this doesn't really count right now, given that my experience is very limited. Ask me again in a dozen years.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Feeling Better

I slept lots and so have hopefully worked the majority of the poisons out of my system. I really need to be more careful. I have come so far in fighting my depression, it really sucks when it feels like I've fallen backwards. It's worse because it's not as though I changed my way of thinking, or my methods of keeping my head above water; it happened because I wasn't careful and ingested something my body instantly thinks is a poison or mind altering chemical, and it reacts strongly.

Okay still easily distracted apparently. That's usually normal, though, so we're on the right track.

This is all before work, and before any source of caffeine so I'm not as interesting as I hope to be. I think I'm going to take my noro scarf to work and play with the pretty colours.


Day 14: What’s the worst yarn/fiber that you’ve worked with and why?


This isn't a bash fest, but I can't seem to get my fingers around any kind of novelty yarn. They bug me, and upset me, and I had a fling with them in the past, and I am SO over them. I'll leave them and their fuzzy bits and bobbly bits and super uneven texture to the people that actually like them. They are definitely not for me.

It's Been One of Those Days

You know? One of Those days? Maybe you don't....

Let me explain.

It started this morning. I woke up before my alarm. Weird. Especially for me, who is notorious, notorious I say, for sleeping for long stretches, 12 plus hours at a time sometimes. I have, in deference to The Other Half, become accustomed to having some background noise when I sleep, so I fire up a bunch of movies to loop in random sequence during the night. When I wake up, I catch the end of Disney's "Mulan". I've seen it many times. I know how it ends. It usually gets a little catch in my throat, because it's touching. This morning? I bawl, like a baby, once when she's talking to the Emperor, and it started up fresh once she got home and talked to her dad. I cannot for the life of me figure out what triggered it. I wasn't thinking anything special, no attachments or personal memories about it, or anything. I just lost it.

The rest of the day felt... surreal. I was too happy, to chipper, and yet at the same time too easy to swing to another mood. There was nasty irritability waiting to surface at every turn, especially with the entitled attitudes I get with my work (that's another rant altogether... actually several rants, but I'm not going into it because it will make me feel dirty). I was weirder than usual, and slightly more out of touch. Also had a hard time focusing cleanly on much of anything. It would come and go throughout the day. I suspect I know the cause: I had gotten a soda off Knitting Broad N.

Now KBN is a good soul, kind and generous to a fault. She tends to stash things around the office like a squirrel, because we don't have our own desks.... yeah it sucks, and I will get a new job ASAP. At any rate, she stashes sodas sometimes, so I asked and got permission to nab one.... completely forgetting that her tastebuds are totally mutated and alien and she actually likes the taste of diet soda. Nothing against her, really, she's awesome, I just don't understand the allure. My bigger problem is not so much the taste (which is mediocre at best) but the contents: almost all diet sodas are sweetened with aspartame. Aspartame has some nasty side effects to many people's brain pan... Mine is especially susceptible. For example: in high school, there was a cheapo grocery store near to my school, and we would have just enough time in our spare period to wander down to said store and pick up their super cheap store brand sodas, advertised as zero calorie and sweetened with aspartame. I was incredibly fond of the wild berry ones and the peach ones, and consumed, over the course of three days, several bottles of these (they were a dollar each for a litre). By the end of my binge I was constantly thinking of harming myself, and picking fights with anyone and everyone who I thought had slighted me, and picking fights with my then-boyfriend for anything and everything that came to mind; yet at the other end of the spectrum I was giddy-hyper and extra weird. My friends were all scared, and the then-boyfriend made me read about aspartame and forced me to quit. All it took was three days to make me realize how bad this stuff was for me, so I do whatever I can to avoid it like the plague. Unfortunately, I slip up. Like yesterday, in getting the soda from KBN, which, unknown to me until this afternoon, was loaded with aspartame. Luckily I didn't down the bottle all in one go (710mL of a certain big name brand of cola is just way too much for me to handle, as I normally don't go in for cola-type sodas), and I cut it with food and water. However, I am almost definitely convinced that that pop may be the cause for the extra dose of extra special.

I fear reading this post over again for how horrible it will sound once this stuff has all passed through my system.

I haven't knit because I've been too twitchy. I'm still hoping to arrange a stitchy afternoon thing so I can have some girlie time, but real life comes first.... uh... wow... by "real life" I mean "other responsibilities including, but not limited to: cleaning, laundry, groceries, miscellaneous chores, job hunting and relationship stuff"... and that's not to suggest any of that is in a negative light, it's just real life. Everything else is play time.

Though I am going to get some stupidly sexy laceweight yarn soon, and will need a venue to show it off. For all that TOH enjoys my finished products, there's a damn good reason he suggested I start this blog: so he wouldn't have to bear all the brunt of my obse-.... er.... hobby. Yeah, that's it, right.... hobby.

Whatever helps me sleep at night I guess. We all know the truth.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Back again

Well that was another little mini hiatus. I just went back and reviewed my last post and, as usual, I think it's crap. However, I am and always will be my own worst critic. Still feeling like I have to get my sh*t in gear and get out of my rut, but I keep losing my footing whenever I try to make that first step. Tired of skinning my metaphorical knees, and it's only been 5 days.

On the other hand, it's only been 5 days. Change doesn't happen overnight, no matter how much it seems to happen that way. So I pick myself up, dust myself off, and look forward to a brighter tomorrow.

Again only a metaphorical brighter tomorrow. Being Canadian if it gets too damn bright I will have to find a way to freeze the sun. Thank the gods that the stupid horrific heat wave we've had here has finally broken (another cause of apathy and lack of posting; the computers were getting to hot in the lack of air conditioning).

Sock is progressing, but it is black-hole progressing. And I forget how long The Other Half's feet are. Last time I saw him I made the mistake of grabbing his foot and forcing the sock on. I say "mistake" because apparently I tickled, even though I was trying really REALLY hard not to.... and then, after I got the sock off, I realized there were naked toes in front of me and started in with the piggies and it went downhill from there. Needless to say I lost and cried "Uncle" most piteously. Eventually I was forgiven and allowed to partake of the majesty of a frozen Mounds bar (coconut ice cream wrapped in dark chocolate gnaaaaaaaaarghl <- my attempt at literary drooling).

Oh and I found a dyer for the laceweight for my dream shawl thingie and I get pictures of it sent to me tomorrow. It's not going to be here in time for the games I don't think, but it will be gorgeous and I will be in love with it forever.

That reminds me... I have to get stuff off to the post office for mailing tomorrow, or at the very least get envelopes/boxes for it..... Right.... To-do list. Urgh.

Someday, it'll all be natural. For now, I'm still learning how to be a grownup. Doesn't mean I'm a failure. Just means I'm doing it the hard way, because listening to parents is hard. (It isn't really, I just like figuring stuff out on my own more, even if it means slogging through crap and going the long way to find the shortcut).

Friday, July 6, 2012

Well that was interesting...

Had an intense conversation with The Other Half last night. Finally had some sh** click in my brain that should have clicked ages ago. I'm feeling rather slow, when I know I'm really not. I know better, it's just horrible that I've let this go on so long. Now I get to fight my monster sized apathy, and tendencies towards depression, and get my future back on track. It's tempting, oh so very tempting, to want to throw myself a pity party and self-abuse poetry slam (or whatever) for letting this happen. Can't. Not productive. Waste of precious time. Need to start living like I'm going to die, because who the hell wants to go out as a tech support agent. I'm supposed to be a Chartered Accountant, dammit.

This may mean some anti-socialist.... er... hang on not what I mean... I mean I may be a little more antisocial for the next little while, at least in some circles. I have a night shift for this month, so that leaves me lots of time during the day to get my crap on track. Have to get back to daily goal lists, living life like I'm back at school or in an office. Plan it out. I can do this. I'm not a child. I have to put the big-girl panties back on.

I am having a hard time remembering the last time I thought this coldly, this rationally. I feel a real disconnect from my emotions. It's kind of scary. I know why I'm doing it: if I get wrapped up in my emotions I'm just going to go all emo and depressive and start creating bullcrap drama.

I hate being female. I hate being so emotional. I can't stand my inability to function because of emotions weighing down on me so much and so often. How I wish, some days, that I could just be a man, with the ability to think linearly, logically, all the time. To naturally deny emotion, shun it, deride it in many cases.

Can't help the way I'm made. If wishes were horses and all that cockamamie bullcrap.

I haven't knit anything but the sock in a while. The knitting games are starting to look like a crapshoot. It's almost a waste of my time to even think about starting. No doubt that's the heat talking and as soon as I get paid, I'm fixing that by splurging on an air conditioner.

Furthermore, I'm exhausted beyond all belief. It's not going to get any better until the start of this post gets moving.

Dangerous thoughts keep lurking. They're all nasty bad evil dark mean little buggers of voices that I had thought I had chained up in the deep dungeons of my psyche to die. I don't know how else to kill them except starvation.... Everytime I walk past though, as warden, making my rounds to be sure no one has escaped, they come whispering out of the murk.

Crap on a sh** stick I need to sleep. If I'm waxing this poetic about negative thoughts, what the hell else am I capable of?

Day 13: Do you have yarn that you love but you can't find a project for?

Yep, so far everything out of my random fandom club from the wonderful Nerd Girl Yarns. Jeez with the amount I talk about her here, you'd think I'd be getting paid advertising or something. Don't think I'd take it though. The blog isn't read enough yet, and I'm just a newbie still, by comparison, when it comes to knitting.

Some of that stash though may just be gifted outright to those who will also love it, possibly more.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

My brain is melting

It's way to gods damned hot.

Day 12: Where do you keep your stash? Post pictures!

....

I already answered that. It's in a hockey bag. Silly question.


Adding extras here, pretty much a full quote from a Ravelry post I just made, because it's expeditious and delicious... or something:

"Work sucks, the weather sucks, the lack of air conditioning really sucks. Just started a noro stripey scarf even though I know I shouldn't with the games arriving soon. Planning a knitting thingie for sometime in July (hopefully the 14th if I can swing everything else) Hoping [caitzilla](person) can come to that one to meet up with her knitting next door neighbours, even if a border crossing for knitting gets really weird looks from the guards.

I'm also very upset because my favourite author of all time, one Sir Terry Pratchett, has been continuing to write Discworld novels through his alzheimer's diagnosis, and I haven't been buying them... I've been buying yarn instead. I'm very emotional about this. The emotional trauma is also being exacerbated by the heat... I want to throw a temper tantrum like a spoiled little b*tch-girl."

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Quick One

Wicked storm ripped through here today. Knocked a tree down on the lines so power was out once I got back to my place. Building manager said she was told by the power people it was going to take 30 hours to get it back... yeah you heard me. Thirty. Luckily they overestimated.

Happy 4th to the wonderful Neighbours to the south (and those north of me in Michigan! Windsor is in such a weird location). Hope y'all are staying cool and hydrated.


Day 11: Do you have a “Knitter Hero” or someone that is just way too awesome for their own good? Do share!


The Best Friend for teaching me.
Nerd Girl Yarns for supplying me my yarn crack.
and more than anything: The Other Half, for putting up with this, and loving everything I've made him, even the stuff that's not finished yet.




**Edit**
Favourite line so far this evening (from TOH): "I'm going to go over here and rough f*** this Patton"

Gotta love playing tanks. XD

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

We Now Return You...

... to your regularly scheduled oddness

Been offline for a while. Broke the flow of the 30 days of knitting, ah well. I suck bla bla. I'll get back to it. Spent the weekend, and Canada Day, offline, trying out... oh what's it called... that thing... you do... life! that's it. Turns out I picked a bad weekend to try it because it was searingly hot and humid and gross, and so I spent most of my time inside watching movies and knitting some (when my mental processes would allow it).

There was that special project The Other Half had wanted me to knit up for him but I guess when he told me how soon he needed it (by Monday/Tuesday and I find this out on Saturday night, without having any supplies) I got this look on my face that made him instantly scrap the knitting idea, and so I got to see him be all crafty and sew. Very cool. I would have still knit it; I was not unwilling, but it would have taken much longer than two days. I'm good, I'm not that good (not yet anyways). If I coulda crocheted it? No problem! But apparently my look brooked no discussion and he decided, in his very TOH way, that he was going to do it.

I was also bad and forgot the sock repair. That's my own fault. I'm also too afraid of just taking the sock back with me and fixing it. I did get pictures of the other socks I'd done that are living there, but I'll have to post them later as I've forgotten where I stashed my camera cord, and it's too hot to go digging.

Now I also have to find out where I can get 900 odd yards of red laceweight before the 17th. I'm hoping this dyer in Toronto will be able to sling some down my way. The post shouldn't be too bad, right?

I also started the Noro scarf, even though I know it's naughty of me. So far I think it's going to look nice, but there won't be any blending between the two colourways. I picked two very different skeins. For the next one (because, gods help me, I know there will be a next one) I think I'll pick something a little more similar in some ways to allow for more colour mushing (I don't know how else to describe it)



Day 7: Your least favorite?: Demon Sweater, duh. See the post about it from earlier to know the true depths of my frustration
Day 8: What’s your most challenging project?: Demon Sweater so far. And that's not technically challenging... beg pardon, the techniques, the technical aspects aren't challenging is what I meant. I'm hoping to get a challenge out of the lace I want to do, and I know the upcoming entrelac will give me a run for my money, but they're not on the needles yet.
Day 9: What fiber or yarn do you love working with?: I've loved almost everything I've worked with up to this point. Generally I have learned to avoid novelty yarns like they're the plague and I'm allergic to them, but everything else I've had a blast with, from acrylic to wool.
Day 10: Do you have a favorite pattern or designer?: No. NGY is my favourite so far for yarn, but she does neither so she doesn't count for this question. (I mention her here because she's awesome.)